Number 47: my first year without her

Mother's Day 2013. She had no idea she was already sick inside. Only a few months later she was diagnosed, and a few months later she was gone.  This experience has strengthened my mission to encourage others to do all that IS possible (knowing some things are out of our control) to keep this from happening to their family.

Mother’s Day 2013. She had no idea she was already sick inside. Only a few months later she was diagnosed, and a few months later she was gone. This experience has strengthened my mission to encourage others to do all that IS possible (knowing some things are out of our control) to keep this from happening to their family.

Hello again, dear readers. Some of you may not know why my last post was all the way back in January, so I’m bringing y’all up to date today. On February 6, 2014 my mom passed away from an infection caused by the ordeal of stage 4 inoperable pancreatic and liver cancer. As I read that sentence over again, it still does not seem real. I have not wanted to blog since that day. It has been overwhelming sadness at times, but getting better as the weeks go by. It is a strange thing to lose a parent. It’s “stranger” than I thought it would be. I get lost in thoughts about her, our relationship, how I do and do not want to emulate certain qualities.  Mostly I just miss her, because she was one of my most favorite people in the world. Feelings pop up and tears roll down at very unexpected times and places. Nothing feels quite right in life.  And even though I usually only saw her every couple of months when she was alive, I miss being able to pick up the phone to ask a question or send a quick email. My friends who have lost parents tell me the hole never goes away, but it does get smaller with time. I imagine this next year of “firsts” will be difficult.  Since February, it has certainly been a process of grief, and has left me feeling unmotivated to write, since I needed to work through the grief before writing about it. That is starting to change now, 5 months later, as I am starting to feel glimmers of excitement over information I want to share with you, and ways I want to encourage you and your family.  I have a lot of things in the works, nothing is quite ready to post yet, but I feel my passion for Organic Eater coming back as my cortisol levels are decreasing. And I have learned a lot about cortisol and stress that I want to share with you, especially you moms! Wow, does it affect health like nothing else!

So, know that I have not forgotten about you or this blog. I am processing, praying, and pondering my next posts. Yes, I still love alliteration:) I have been posting most days on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, but just haven’t been ready to come back here to do this yet. I am just about ready to get back to this. God is carrying me through, revealing things about myself and His love for me; doing the cathartic healing that is completed only by “casting all your cares upon Him”, and giving me new vision for the spiritual direction He wants me to take at Organic Eater. Thanks for all of your encouragement and support in the last few months!  Hang in there with me healthy friends, I will be back.

Encouraging Health,

Organic Eater

6 thoughts on “Number 47: my first year without her

  1. I was just thinking of her the other day & I always tell my clients about her gorgeous white hair!!! Then I went to central and saw Larry – I didnt get to speak to him as he was busy serving & I was hoping to catch up with him after but never saw him!! He looked so handsome 🙂

  2. Dana! I have missed you. And I have prayed for you earnestly. I’m happy to see you writing again. And yes, I can’t wait to read about what you’ve learned about cortisol. It is something I’ve studied and researched too, bc I know how much it can hurt us if left unresolved. I hope we can chat soon! I would love to hear your voice!

  3. I am so very sorry about losing your mom. Your friends are right; it takes lots of time and the first year is a blur. I think it’s a feeling of everything being surreal and living everyday in shock. Time truly helps and it’s important that you allow yourself to cry whenever you feel like it. And talking about your mom will help. Someone told me this and it’s true (kinda sorta):that there will come a day when the pain of losing her will be replaced with the joy of remembering her. But to be honest, my mom dies 20 years ago and I still miss her like crazy. You aren’t walking this rugged road alone. God is ALWAYS with you.

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